Bernanke gets closer to telling the truth, calls it a “severe contraction”

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Public and private officials are desperately trying to find a solution to their most vexing problem: How to describe the economy without saying “depression.” Today, Ben Bernanke weighed in with the scariest mouthful of jargon since W. said, “Heckuva job, Brownie.”

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke told Congress Tuesday the economy is suffering through a “severe contraction” and pledged to use all available tools to lift the country out of the recession.

Enough with the euphemisms. A severe contraction is what my wife had before my son popped out. Where’s the Straight Talk Express when we need it? Who is going to be the first official to come out and simply say, “We’re off the cliff and don’t know how far down the ground is.”

To that end I must applaud the Obama administration for coming up with one single number for all government spending — instead of excluding things like paying for the war as our last President did.

BTW, second place in today’s stupid moments in nomenclature constest goes to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid: “It’s not nationalization, it’s protecting the taxpayers’ interests.” Harry, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and craps like a duck then it’s a duck.

Constantine von Hoffman is a veteran business journalist and author of the blog CollateralDamage, a satirical look at marketing and business.