In Honor of the new $1 trillion 2nd bail out package

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The Obama administration is talking $1 trillion for stimulus package numero dos.

In honor of that I have re-written the lyrics to Barenaked Ladies “If I had a Million Dollars” (NOTE: One F-Bomb at the beginning of this song. You’re warned.)

If I had a trillion dollars
(If I had a trillion dollars)
I’d buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)
If I had a trillion dollars
(If I had a trillion dollars)
I’d buy your other house
(You know the speculative condo)
And if I had a trillion dollars
(If I had a trillion dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a K-Car
(A nice American automobile)
If I had a trillion dollars I’d buy your junk

If I had a trillion dollars
I’d buy Chrysler, GM and Ford
If I had trillion dollars
You could help, it wouldn’t be that hard
If I had trillion dollars
Maybe we could just take some money from the TARP
You know, we could just go in there and hand some out
Like open the wallet and stuff
There would already be laid out money for us
Like billions just for us to use as we want

They have billions for banks but not for us?
Well, can you blame ‘em
Uh, yeah

If I had a trillion dollars
(If I had a trillion dollars)
Well, I’d buy you AIG
(But not another investment bank that’s cruel)
And if I had a trillion dollars
(If I had a trillion dollars)
Well, I’d buy you an exotic car company
(Yep, like Tesla Motors)
And if I had a trillion dollars
(If I had a a trillion dollars)
Well, I’d buy you IndyMac?s remains
(Ooh, all them crazy Option ARMs)
And If I had a trillion dollars I’d buy your debt

If I had a trillion dollars
We wouldn’t have to make better cars
If I had a trillion dollars
Now, we’d take a handout, it?s easier by far
If I had a trillion dollars
We wouldn’t have to care about bad debts
But we would care about bad debts
Of course we would, we?d just spend more
And buy really terrible distressed assets with it
That?s right, all the most distressed CDOs and MBS?s!
Mmmmmm, Mmmm-Hmmm

If I had a trillion dollars
(If I had a trillion dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a CDS
(But not a real CDS, that’s cruel)
And if I had a trillion dollars
(If I had a trillion dollars)
Well, I’d buy you some bonds
(A RMBS or some corporate debt)
If I had a trillion dollars
(If I had a trillion dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a monkey
(Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?)

If I had a trillion dollars
I?d buy your junk

If I had a trillion dollars, If I had a trillion dollars
If I had a trillion dollars, If I had a trillion dollars
If I had a trillion dollars
We?ll all be broke.